Unlawful Marriage Cohabitation Persists...

Most Cameroonian 'couples' still practise "Come We Stay" for various reasons.

It is known that marriage is a way of saying "we love each other". Surprisingly in the society today, many who simply cohabit have at one point thought they are married. The "Come We Stay" practice, as it is generally called, involves two people who are not married but live together in an intimate relationship on a long-term basis.

This is gaining grounds in the society. Statistics from the Ministry of Women's Empowerment and the Family indicate that only 45 per cent of unions in Cameroon are legal while a disturbing 55 per cent of couples are cohabitating. Those involved in "Come We Stay" say the cost of bride price, family and traditional barriers, ignorance and even money to celebrate a legal marriage are hindrances in transforming their informal union into a formal one.

While Cameroonian women prefer marriage, most men argue for free union. Most women say they have temporarily moved in with a man while waiting for the latter to raise money for a big wedding. However, the situation does not last forever especially when the man dies and the women and children are left on their own. While Franklin A. says he does not have money to celebrate a wedding, there are those who do not see the need for it at all. This certainly is ignorance of the law. Franklin says women love lavish weddings and he does not have money to get a wedding dress, especially that needed to organise the wedding party.

The bride price asked by his lover's family has caused Raoul P. to remain in an unending informal relationship. Raoul says the cost of bride price asked by his lover's family could build a house and do many other things for him and the family he has developed with the girl. That which is disturbing to Raoul is the fact that as years go by, each time he goes back to his girlfriend's family, the bride price list increases. A vivid example according to Raoul is that the number of cows keeps increasing. "At the beginning they asked for one cow, now the number has gone up to two," Raoul noted.

There are those who are ignorant about the importance of legalising their union. Madeleine who is living in an informal relationship says when she got pregnant her boyfriend was in his final year of studies. She moved into his student room and decided to wait for him to finish his studies and find a job, before they could legalise their union. But after finding a job, Madeleine's boyfriend wants to build a house first.

And after the house, start saving for the children's education, Madeleine notes. Madeleine's boyfriend says he does not see the need to formalise their union. There are those who say they cannot legalise their union because their parents do not agree with the relationship due to tribal or other barriers. But because they love each other so much, they decide to cohabit. Whatever way, cohabitation is not marriage; although over time the women feel married.