The futility of envy

A man was very much burdened by his suffering. He used to pray every day to God, “Why me? Everybody seems to be so happy, why am I only in such suffering?” One day, out of great desperation, he prayed to God, “You can give me anybody else’s suffering and I am ready to accept it. But take mine, I cannot bear it anymore.”

That night he had a beautiful and very revealing. That night God appeared in the sky and he said to everybody, “Bring all your sufferings into the temple.” Everybody was tired of his suffering – in fact everybody had prayed one time or other, “I am ready to accept anybody else’s suffering, but take mine away; this is too much, it is unbearable.”

So everybody gathered his own sufferings into bags, and as they reached the temple, they were looking very happy; the day has come, their prayer has been heard. And this man also rushed to the temple.

And then God said, “Put your bags by the walls.” All the bags were put by the walls, and then God declared: “Now you can choose. Anybody can take any bag.”

And the most surprising thing was this: that this man who had been praying always, rushed towards his bag before anybody else could choose it! But he was in for a surprise, because everybody rushed to his own bag, and everybody was happy to choose it again. What was the matter? For the first time, everybody had seen others’ miseries, others’ sufferings – their bags were as big, or even bigger!

And the second problem was, one had become accustomed to one’s own sufferings. Now to choose somebody else’s – who knows what kind of sufferings will be inside the bag? Why bother? At least you are familiar with your own sufferings, and you have become accustomed to them, and they are tolerable. For so many years you have tolerated them – why choose the unknown?

And everybody went home happy. Nothing had changed, they were bringing the same suffering back, but everybody was happy and smiling and joyous that he could get his own bag back. In the morning he prayed to God and he said, “Thank you for the dream; I will never ask again. Whatsoever you have given me is good for me, must be good for me; that’s why you have given it to me.”

This ancient Sufi story illustrates the emptiness of jealousy. Envy is likened to a feeling of coveting what someone else; in the end we fall short or feel inadequate. Unhealthy comparisons however, can be counterproductive because every individual is unique and incomparable. Thus each is distinct and without equal. You are just yourself: nobody has ever been like you, and nobody will ever be like you. And you need not be like anybody else, either. However, we tend to feel the grass is greener on the other side as exteriors are showpieces which can be very deceptive.

Similarly once upon a time two prostitutes claiming to be mother of one baby came before King Solomon for judgement. With his insight into human behaviour Solomon asked for the baby to be slashed and divided into two with each half for a mother. It is clear the baby would die in the process but one agreed to this procedure whilst the other pleaded for the life of the baby even yielding it to the rival. Solomon’s insight of envy, made him discern that the real mother would not hurt her own child.

On the contrary an envious individual will go to great lengths to possess what belongs to another even if it adds nothing to what the person already has. When consumed by envy you pretend, become unnatural or fake in imitating or competing with others or putting up appearances. After all, if someone has something you lack and you do not have a legitimate means of obtaining it; the alternative is to have some cheap substitute for it.

Envy can be as insane as desiring half a baby so another person will not have anymore. What someone does have or does not have makes no difference to what we have or lack. But people often invest huge amount of time and energy concentrating on other people’s assets – even as it has no impact on their own.

Being envious of another person is rather harmful and self-defeating as it compromises our essence and individuality. The remedy to this canker is to accept our individual identity and realise that everything in our lives is faultlessly in order for us.

We can all be consumed by the desire for more such that we sacrifice our joy and vitality. The truly wealthy one is the one who is happy with his lot, rather than having need for more belongings we rather need more enjoyment. We gain satisfaction when we choose to appreciate what we have. But when we fail to ever appreciate what we have now, we can be as wealthy as a king and it will still never be enough. Whether what we have is small or plenty, we have to enjoy what we have got.