Reflections on love, power, religion and Bill Cosby

I have on numerous occasions advised my female readers not to “marry for love,” but to instead “marry for money.” I repeat: Do not marry for love, marry for money. I am not asking you to totally discard love. No! I am simply telling you that love is not a sufficient reason to marry. It is necessary, but not sufficient.

A man’s wealth need not amount to millions, but enough to meet your needs – whatever those needs might be. And if the money is not there yet, well, you may want to consider other factors, i.e. his potential. At the very least, do not marry a poor man! What would you gain marrying a poor man? The misery bank?

There is no dignity in poverty. There is no dignity pinching and counting pennies. What is the minimum wage in Nigeria and where would that get you? Besides, poor men have inferiority complex. They have issues with self-image. Unless you, as a woman, are ready to work hard to support yourself and the kids and extended family members, you will have a frustrating life. In many instances, when you help him gain financial stability, the chances are that he will cheat on you – or even leave you for a younger woman.

What if you already have the money before you met him, well then, don’t “marry down, marry up.” By that, I mean, don’t marry a man who is beneath you; a man who is not as well-read and as sophisticated as you are. As a rule, you don’t want to marry a struggling man. He will weigh you down. In the United States and the United Kingdom, many struggling men encourage or coerce their wives to go to nursing school and then make them work the way you’d work a donkey. You don’t want that.

The fact is that somewhere along the line, love will fade if and when you begin to go broke and unable to afford life’s necessities. Wise men will tell you that love and financial anxiety don’t mix well. And especially in today’s Nigeria, what girl doesn’t want a trip to Brasilia, London, Dubai, Paris, or Shanghai? Don’t let religion or culture tie you down or clog your intellect. Things have changed! This is no longer your grandfather’s Nigeria. After money and all the things money can buy, then, you can talk love.

Sometimes, we forget that power is fleeting, we forget that our official positions are transitory. We forget that many others have come before us, and that many others will come after us. It may be your turn today to occupy that office and have access to money and all the trappings of your official position. But really, don’t be big-headed about it.

Don’t be! Sooner or later, you will be gone and others will take over. It may be your turn today; but who knows: it might be my turn tomorrow. So, please, be kind, be gentle, be considerate, and be compassionate – even to your harshest critics. If you know nothing at all, know this: Tomorrow is not assured, it is not guaranteed. That’s the beauty of life.

Some Africans boast about the efficacy of “juju and black magic.” And especially in Nigeria, you hear stories of how bullets and cutlasses cannot penetrate certain people. In other words, they have mystic defence that shields them from injuries and death. You hear these tales even though none has ever been documented. And no human being, dead or alive, has ever been able to prove such claims. They can’t because such claims are spurious, not true!

Our oral history is replete with warlords said to be capable of and credited with supernatural feats. But where were they when Europeans were sub-humanising Africans? Were they not around during the colonial era when Europeans maltreated, dethroned and exiled many of our kings and chiefs? History shows that Yoruba, Ijaw and Benin chiefs and kings were thoroughly dealt with. And in fact, Jesus himself was nailed to the cross for daring Roman authorities.

What we have in the Bible is not different from what many Africans have in their oral history. The major difference between Christianity and the Traditional African Religion is that their tales are written down; while the Africans have theirs in the form of Oral History. And while we have, for the most part given up on our indigenous tales and fables, we continue to embrace tales and fables that emanated from the Middle East. You cannot be lucid and take Christianity or any form of religion seriously. You can’t!

Personally, I don’t mind religion. I truly don’t. It only bothers me when people take it too far. It bothers me when they leave the realm of reason and rationality and begin to accept tales and fables as “the truth.” By the time you get to your sophomore year in American universities and colleges, you would have read one or two books on the Ancient Greeks and Egyptians and others.

At the very least, you would have read books on all the major civilisations and their creation narratives and their many gods. They all had gods because, well, humans created gods. Several thousand years ago, they couldn’t explain and or account for many things. Having these gods filled several holes in their lives. That was then. Today, you need not be irrational.

For decades, Americans loved, respected and idolised Bill Cosby. He was the epitome of what was best about fatherhood. He was Mr. Clean, Mr. Congeniality and Mr. Smart all put together. But in just two to three weeks, a section of the public and the media seem to have turned against him. They are pilling all kinds of thrash on him, pulling him down and shredding him. Many of the pictures they now show of him are of someone who is guilty!

Other pictures are of a man who is sad and ugly and terribly old. He has not formally given his side of the story; so, we don’t know what happened or didn’t happen. Furthermore, he has not been tried, but in the eyes and minds of man – he is guilty! Some Americans have a way of turning against their best and brightest. Just like that, they can flip. In this case, they have flipped against Mr. Bill Cosby. Copyright PUNCH.

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