Letter from Buea to Yaounde

Dear Mbella,

I know you are yet to recover from the booze and bliss of the National Day celebrations, even though you claim that it was a day of national mourning.
Witchcraft was on the upbeat to mar everything here, but we overcame all their vicious intrigues. Yet witch-hunting continued in the palace as the sledge hammer now lurks ominously.

Accusations and counter accusations do battle as to who neglected his or her job before the limo stalled. I just wonder what the General’s name has come to do in this whole stroke of misfortune.

Of course, we all know that the place is slippery, very slippery even in the dry season. That is why those who are dragging his name into murky waters are seething with the double ailment of jealousy and sheer wickedness. But mind you that he stopped the Khaki boys from forcing the big man to pay the soldier’s debt on that black April Day.

The other side of the coin is that there was a rollicking time that put the epicurean exercise at its best.

It was not only winning and dinning. Casanovas were busy, full time looking for their kind of food. But they ate so well in order to be strong enough to eat their kind of food. This is neither tittle-tattle nor any mumbo jumbo! I saw it with my eyes.

I take exception to the fiddle-fuddle of pen pushers on the Zacharia issue. He might have been rewarded for the meritorious services he is rendering as VIP New Bell inmate. If you are doing anything in this country, do it well because you will be decorated.

You see Mola, before the man’s journey to New Bell began a few years back, the big man congratulated him. Many people did not understand the setting. It turned out that he was being congratulated for being good potential material for the dungeons.

Mbella, I have always told you that the succession question is a very dangerous thing to discuss. The sheer thought that the man will, one day, quit the scene is a heavy criminal offense. If you embezzle the entire State budget and you do not nurse any ambition for the political “hereafter,” you will be as free as a bird in the sky. If you want to stay away from trouble, let nobody praise you, saying you are a good material for the future.

If you do, undercover agents will tell the story and the guillotine will come. But never be afraid of the guillotine because it can come from any angle.

It was about the photographer who was gored for taking a snapshot that did not portray the Kadiye at his photogenic best? A good photographer is one who plays with photos to portray him as one in his “android” thirties. Doing anything contrary to this is a demonstration of sheer truculence and foolhardiness.

There are many tollgates and some of them are mobile. The mobile team is now passing around for a road safety campaign. Yet Kwifoin has not performed its own role to curb the road mishaps. The good thing is that if you do collect so much money from fines, then you are putting on a good fight for road safety, Mola.

Thus, the measuring rod for success in this campaign is how much has been collected from the drivers. Thus, big people deliberately break the rules since they are very comfortable paying fines.

By the way, who is fooling who Mbella? You can’t fight for road safety when almost all our major highways are under the permanent assault of potholes that are yawning into graves.

I do not blame them for the Babadjou-Abakwa stretch because the people of that area burnt their fingers by proclaiming Suffer Don Finish. The better choice would have been Cameroon Peoples Drunken Movement so that crumbs could fall from the Essingan table, thus portraying the ailment of tribal and partisan fraternity against the non-partisan State.

That is why BB sailed home to his maker as an angry man. That is why the hitherto giant of Central Africa is now a manniken in the hands of micro-states around the place. Kleptocracy and plutocracy are the deals here as the big-shots strut the breadth and length of the country in patriotic hypocrisy.

Even with this, do not raise any finger of protest or face the Nazi-style torture. Remain deaf, dumb and even blind as the high amount of billions is pilfered from the public till. The rule here is the big man’s capacity to command and the people’s destiny to obey.

Let’s keep each other posted on this hard task, so that our children’s children can, one day, live in a Republic that is not banana.
My regards to Enangs and the kids,
Yours Sincerely,
Ngwa.