Letter from Yaoundé to Buea

Dear Mbella,

I was happy that you called issues by their name, without pretending that all is well. As I said the other day, it is hypocrisy that has made Cameroon to take the ignominy in the global public space as a theatre of the absurd.

The varsity Kadiye who crumbled like a pack of cards under your artillery pen fire, is behaving like Catherine The Great, who passed around for an enlightened despot and was gullibly accepted by the society for the simple reason that she robbed shoulders with enlightened despots like Joseph II.

But, in our context, sycophantic pen pushers have continued to pour encomiums on the man that he thinks himself an elephant while, indeed, he is an ant in that discipline. His attitude is a dangerous combination of frustration and arrogance and even his bookish head cannot let him understand that putting pen on paper and plagiarising some literary authors does not make him a professional pen pusher. After failing to shine on the soapbox, the don is seeking for notice on another pedestal.

Despite all of these iniquities, Mbella, we need to give credit where it is due. He has it to his credit that soap boxing prostitution is not his thing. He tried hard not to sell cheap to the morally bankrupt and lousy majority. He was unlike that female college teacher who allowed a young spoiled Form IV student to harvest what belongs to her husband. Mola, the story that is making rounds at Ekounou now is a nasty one.

The student from a very wealthy home “downed” the teacher for FCFA 100,000. After that shameful act, the student, who walked tall as a romantic hero, went chummy-chummy, “narrow-casting” the scoop to his friends and, by the time the sun was melting away, he was broadcasting to the entire school until the scandal played into the ears of the administration.

You see, Mola, the teacher, who was married and older than the student’s mother, shamelessly accepted having allowed the student to harvest what she keeps in-between her legs because of money. We need to give this female teacher a medal because she represents the calibre of teachers that will lead us to vision 2035. We would have had an excess of immorality to export to other countries and make money.

That said, I was surprised that some lunatics expected Saul to have blessings from the rubberstamp guys before hatching the emergency scoop. He did not need to do so because l’etat c’est lui. He was made in the image of Louis VI. That is why economic apartheid against certain people and areas in the country has continued to be the norm.

There is a yawning gap between the nobles and the peasants. The latter are hunched with a heavy tax burden, while the nobles are exempted from taxation. The message was clearly made public during the adoption of the national proforma for the free-for-all embezzlement of public funds.

What you do not know about the soap box macabre is that the leftist mafia led by the fist-clenching Ngong shared the booty under the cover of darkness only to play to the gallery in a well rehearsed melodrama. Well, the people may be blind for now, but when the chips are down, posterity will unmask these impostors and gall them after a noisy trial in the people’s tribunal.

Please, Mbella, do not quote me anywhere so I can be free from witch-hunters of the great national party. Keep me posted.

My regards To Enangs and Kids,

Yours sincerely

Ngwa